Ever since my mom sat me down and told me

Ever since my mom sat me down and told me that my father was an anonymous sperm donor I have been trying to find the other half of me that's always been a mystery. All I had was

a birth certificate that mentioned the name of the sperm bank - as the father. The sperm bank was in another state but I decided to travel from the west coast to the east just to

find out whether my father was someone famous like Einstein. The Spermbank teller explained the donor wished to remain anonymous. I decided a little Spermbank heist was needed

so I jammed every jug of love juice into my jorts. But I figured the Spermbank tellers would notice if all their merch went missing, so I whipped out some empty jugs as well as my

personal emergency supply that I kept in various sized Bota bags in the back of my Jeep. Deposits had been slow lately and the supply was rather old so when I began squeezing the

'lemons' only a few drops with a foul stench came out. I had to find myself a new supplier, I heard a new product was beginning to emerge which could withstand any

Fukushima meltdown. This new product was impervious to man's evil chaos. It was made by Hasbro and could be returned for a full refund. Amazing.

It was a doll, representing a girl and it could walk, talk, sleep and pee. And if you'd talk to it, it would curl it's lips into a smile. The weird thing about the smile was that

it was exactly like the Mona Lisa's smile - enigmatic. But the doll's pee - much less than enigmatic! It smelled of

plutonium! I cursed my foolishness; why did I buy a doll from a factory downwind from the nuclear power plant? I guess the moral of the story is, never buy anything for sixpence.