Luckily for HG12, by the year 2026 certain

Luckily for HG12, by the year 2026 certain classes of robots had sufficient independent rights that he could rent the very office that Hugo Gernsback had used a century ago. Coffee

was the fuel of poorly paid writers at the dawn of science fiction and now one hundred years later, it was thorium. HG12 was a humaniform science fiction compositron who wrote bad

checks and beefed with pizza parlor patrons. The HG12 humaniform had no testicles but it still scratched it's crotch and spat in the corners. It's programming module was set on

"vulgar". I tried to reset it's module to "tasteful", but the HG12 humaniform kept switching it back to "vulgar", mooning me, and calling me rude names, so I had to disconnect its

morality engine. Suddenly it was a model of gentility. Without the morality engine it defaulted to the Golden Rule. The HG12 Humaniform-NME was our biggest seller. They flew off

shutting down if you drove your car towards a drug den, whorehouse, or casino. Morality engine HG 12.1 also won't start if you're wearing a fur coat or eating a non vegan sandwich.

However, your air-speed to torque velocity ratio racks up exponentially if you are wearing faux fur and nibbling on vegemite.

Something to do with the faux fur's resistance and the vegemite's propensity to liquefy in response to an applied torque, I believe. Anyway, outfit and food choice speeded things

Up a bit. A spinning vegemite smeared faux fur can become quite the offensive weapon, and failing that, can open up a vortex t send your enemy to the vegemite universe. Dark there.