Bernice the bear lived in a zoo. It was dingy,

Bernice the bear lived in a zoo. It was dingy, small, and the people there treated her like an animal. (Irony?) She planned to escape the next day; Her plan was to

lie very flat on the floor of the enclosure, balancing a small coffee table on her back, in the hope that the keeper would mistake her for an old rug and send her off to the dry

cleaners. That might give her a clear shot at escaping this place. She kept as still as a rug on the floor & even covered herself in dust bunnies. When her captors entered the room

she watched as they bathed themselves in the golden bullets conquering each others fear of the loss of life. One by one they fell, and she wondered, "

why did I wait so long to come back here armed to teeth?" Guns and Ammo was a sea change for Alice. This automatic desert eagle gave new meaning to being the Red Queen. The cards

were shredded by her RPG assault. The King of Hearts lay decapitated, and not by the Red Queen's hand. The Mad Hatter took aim. "Shall I finish her, Alice?" The Red Queen fell to

Then the Hatter pointed at her & shot. "The bullet corkscrewed towards her at a leisurely pace, but then the Hare announced "We must all switch places", so when the bullet arrived

the Black Bear of Despair had plenty of time to consider his own mortality and whether to bend away, Matrix-style. "Woe is me, I never learned kung-fu," he droned, and

jumped out of the nearest window in slow motion, but the black bear clumsly tumbled to his brutal face plant "Cut!" thundered the director. Here we go again, another friggen redo.