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Although your kitchen may appear safe at

  • Although your kitchen may appear safe at first, there is an evil lurking, an abomination of untold proportions, if the dishes are left in the sink long enough then you

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  • will one day arrive home to find an unwelcome guest in the form of a Mould-Man. These forms of life are, quite frankly, dicks, and while they will never harm you, they will

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  • moulder in your walls and lungs until all your edifices collapse. One morning my clock-radio woke me with Phil Collins' "In the Air Tonight" but I already knew that Joe Mould-Man

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  • was a dank dame. The mould filled all of my edifices to the point where I couldn't

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  • open them to the public. There was the usual enquiry and the wobbly finger of blame was pointed at the dank dame but she'd gone to ground. I scrubbed my mouldy edifices with bleach

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  • And made them presentable. There were visitors that afternoon for tea and biscuits. I used all my rags and had to wash them so I could finish scrubbing everything. Finally I was

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  • presentable in my lavish patchwork ragsuite. I played nightmare rag as the guests entered, & belted out in a ragged voice my riches to rags ballad as the ivories tickled my belly.

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  • But the raging ragtag bunch of ragamuffins interrupted my ballad, their ragged voices filled the room, asking for ragout to fill their bellies. I raged at them, and

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  • they accused me of being "on the rag". So I sang "Old Rag Mountain" to them at the top of my lungs until they all scuttled away like the scallywags they were. No ragout for them!

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  • So that just left me and the ragout and neither of us happy at that outcome. Somehow for completely unrelated reasons their secret mutual respect for each other would shine bright.

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3 Comments

  1. LordVacuity May 10 2017 @ 23:24

    Please excuse the redundancy: it's usage kept the priority beat.

  2. BlastedHeath May 11 2017 @ 22:49

    It makes sense to carry on that element. I often hear the rhythm before I write the words.

  3. LordVacuity May 11 2017 @ 23:16

    & the beat goes on...

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