I realized I had a speech filter issue after

I realized I had a speech filter issue after my boss said "Good morning Wally" and apparently I said "Sure, I'd love to sleep with you". There were other incidents.

At Starducks, instead of ordering my usual double decaf latte with skimmed soymilk, I only realized it didn't come out that way when Dolly looked at me wide-eyed and I heard the

FCC sirens buzzing. They knocked aside a duck mascot handing out flyers and strapped me down. A man in a mask prepped a bar of soap for oral insertion as another read me my rights:

"You have no right to remain silent. Everything you have self-censored, or omitted will be extracted in the court of the mind." The Federal Commission of Conscience targeted my

mime credentials. It was unfair that people had a right to free speech but not for free silence. I tried to give the Thought Police the slip but I kept running in place.

hit so I can date men or women. I'm a dance criminal. I go around to clubs and create dance mayhem as part of mission to rule

the disco floor. Ofcourse the destruction I cause all appears unintentional. My theme music is "Panic! At the Disco". I spike the punch and my platform shoes crush the ladies daint

y heeled pumps, all the while the gals wobble around trying to keep their balance. Acting innocent, I say, "Whew, that was some mighty gust of wind that just blew in here!"

That ruined the picnic, because all the parishioners groaned in disgust and recognized my reference to flatulence right away. Divine miracles, my ass. More like hell's bells.