The First United Church of Bowlers opened

The First United Church of Bowlers opened at Rev. Chucks Luck Strike on Pilgram Lane. After the opening frame, Rev. Chuck accended to the pulpet just above the

golden White Russian. Rev. Chuck looked at his beefy, chowderheaded congregation, seated in multi-colored pews, scorecards in hand, rented shoes. The First United Church of Bowlers

Had their own cable network, aka BTV. They promoted bowler hats and very dapper long coats, something not seen in 150 years. And there was more that they promoted on channel 626.

Channel 626 was not easy to find. Most people gave up long before 593 which is as high as anybody has ever gotten who wasn't already in. BTV brought unwanted attention their way.

But I was determined: not even BTV would distract me from getting to Channel 626. There were no numbers on the remote so I had to just keep pressin the UP button. I was at 607 when

the battery in my TV remote gave out. "NOOOOOOOOO...!" I screamed, tearing out all my beautiful hair. At the drug store, I clawed my way to the front of the line with replacement

batteries, a six-pack of beer, a 5-ounce tube of personal lubricant, and a terry-lined shower cap. “Did you find everything you were looking for?” the freckle-faced man asked me.

I was laughing so hard, I couldn't answer him. "Yeah-heheheeheeh!" I guffawed as I stepped out of my clothes, "lubed up", capped, & downed a beer. Freckles cracked open the door

and took a small peek. "Pssshshhhhhhhh" A mouthful of liquid power-squirted out of Freckle's mouth upon witnessing the unexplainable scene. All I could think of was to yell,

until I died, and sadly, that's exactly what I did do. I'm in heaven right now and if your listening to this so are you.