Jack loved the way his spandex socks contoured

Jack loved the way his spandex socks contoured to his feet. the feel of the tight fabric against his toes. The way they cradled his ankles. Jack was ready for anything involving

athleisure and the great outdoors. Happily he ran, biked, and finally he fainted. When Jack peeled the spandex off at the end of the day, the odor was quite overpowering.

The police showed up. "We had a complaint that somebody died." "It's just my bike shorts," I said pointing to the washer."We'll just take a look around." As they neared the laundry

, the lights began to flicker. "That's odd..." the Chief of Police whispered, "it's like something out of a-" the bike shorts flew out of the laundry basket and on to his face.

Sucking in a huge breath the Chief bellowed "Get Det Manatee down here NOW!" The bicycle pants were getting away! "And someone grab those horrible feckin' pants!" The pants slither

ed into the Chief's open mouth & blocked his windpipe.Smart chose that moment to activate the Cone of Silence:"It's finally working! Can't hear a word you're saying, Chief." "Arghh

Chief Keef pleaded not guilty to possession of marijuana after not putting out any more hip-hop style bearded confetti from his house. Smart told Chief Keef to be quiet or else.

Chief Keep heard else & fell into a pool of possible elses. Be quiet or don't be quiet. Be quiet or jump into your bonesuit & play Bones. "Damn it Jim! I'm a Kelly not the forest!"

But, I had no time to decide as everyone left the party and I was left alone and afraid.