The mountain surrounded her. Protected by

The mountain surrounded her. Protected by thick steel doors and solid rock, she pushed a red button. It hadn't been done since 1945. The president had just ordered a

massive nuclear strike on the Kremlin. Or a double pepperoni, extra cheese, she wasn't entirely sure. No one had done it since 1945, after all. The mountain's doorbell rang. It was

AT 1 PM TOMORROW. Please find enclosed 1. paper bag, 2. sellotape, 3. iodine tablets. Enjoy your meal! "Not again!" thought Deda Ivan, discarding the message casually and picking t

hrough her ipod playlist and selected "Wartime"by the Talking Heads. The black van trailed her as she walked to school. The driver radioed "Operation: Mom's watching, A GO!"

The girl suddenly turned toward the driver of the van. "I ain't got no time for that now," she spat out in a sinister yet singsong way, and then she sauntered off toward school.

The school of hard knocks thought the man in the van, or AKA the Ice Cream Man. He stepped on the gas to run over the girl. But before he hit could hit her he was t-boned by a

A butcher cutting a steak that refused to let itself be cut.The steak was on Prozac since it was captured by the butcher and his sons. Problem was it had no legs, just bones! Nick

quickly fashioned the steak a pair of legs out of a leftover chicken wishbone. The steak danced around the room. "I could have danced all night," it sang. Nick chased it until

he felt dizzy and ill. No more wild nights with whiskey and methane. No retirement was the way to go. Which way did the stake say was out of this place? Exit stage right.