The USC scout stalked the talent show. He'd

The USC scout stalked the talent show. He'd heard rumors of a girl who was "born to hula", and he wasn't one to pass up a chance at a prodigy. Just last year, a hopscotch prodigy

had hopscotched all over his dachshund. High heels. Punched the the little pooch flat as Indian fry bread. The USC scout picked up his dog with a spatula and

Flipped it until it came back to life. Which it did after several attempts at cpr. The animal police arrived and arrested the dog thief. The USC scout was glad his dog survived!

But now his trained thieving dog was in jail. The dishonest USC scout sent him a dogfood pot pie with a pair of lock picking tools in the crust.

He never got the dog-food potpie because the guard checking for contraband got hungry and ate it, lock-picking tools and all. So the dog cooled his heels in jail for awhile, doing

his 'business' along the front of his cell, where the breeze would lift the stench away. "What a smart doggie!" said Melinda MacTavish, "Mommy, can we adopt him?" Her mother gazed

at him angrily. "A DOG IS TOO MUCH WORK FOR ME!" \

So I became a cat! A lovely calico tabby with enough scars to seem interesting but not too many to be scary. Maybe Bad Ass but still a scary pussy. Every day was about maximum plea

sure and little consideration of my slaves- err... owners and eating quality food for free and taunting the dogs. Best of all, I got to take lots of naps. Life is good.