"How much will my clean bill of health set

"How much will my clean bill of health set me back, doc?" I asked. "Hm, $40, plus the cost of hollow pills." It was cheaper to be sick, so I forced a cough. The GP sedated me with

saline & I went into fake convulsions. It was cheaper to be sick & I needed a few days off anyway. I crossed my eyes & tried to appear as if I was choking. I peed my pants so that

made a squish noise each time I walked. Unfortunately I was sitting on an electric heating pad. It shorted out and shocked my balls. That was when my extraordinary journey began.

I yelped, jumped up, and ran aimlessly for what seemed like a few seconds, but by the time I stopped, I'd somehow ended up in a rainforest in South America.

I was taken in by the Yanomamo and given a prized hammock in the long hut and a companion named Tsuzi Tlotes to help me assimilated. I assimilated like a prized bull wrapped in

bubble wrap. But I ended up becoming too assimilated. Within a week Tsuzi Tlotes's and I had conceived a baby. The Yanomamo tribe had a tradition to kill the mother of every single

invention on this so-called island paradise. "No inventions, no technology, no ruination of our culture" was the motto of the Yanomamo tribe. Tsuzi Tlotes and I would be parents

as well as cousins, because trying to calculate repopulation from just 20 or so people really sucks. Pardon the pun, but multiplication wasn't my cup of tea. Hence our island home.

There are only two of us and we use birth control. Oh I've just discovered a pregnant vole. The population of this island is currently three. I mean, its

possible for us to populate this island if we end the birth control. But I don’t know if I should mate with someone I’m not thrilled about. You see, I’m more attracted to the vole.