What the hell are grape nuts anyway? The

What the hell are grape nuts anyway? The grissle at the bottom of the oven used to bake other cereals? I nearly broke a molar on this shtuff ! Back to Nature? My Aunt says if you

look at the abyss, the abyss looks back at you.

I felt a pressure, and relieved myself into the abyss. Zipping up, I noticed a dark stormcloud brewing suddenly above.

"Darn! 20% chance of rain my ass!" I said, reaching for my keys. As I was searching my pocket, I see a glimmer down the hole I just peed in. There were my keys, laying out of

fensively. I knelt down to fish the keys out of the horrible hole with a stick when I noticed an eye staring back at me. It blinked once and then was gone along with my keys. Now I

had to think. I could squeeze into the horrible hole if I really tried, & then, with my stick as a weapon, do battle with that one eyed thing to win back my keys. I'd be covered in

tree sap and pine needles. That one eyed thing that lived under the tree out back was about to meet his match! I began to prepare my weapons. I gathered spoiled milk, salt, turtle

Paste and ceiling wax. Mixed for a few minutes, it became the suitable soup for the one-eyed Squirtle. I watched it approach from my third floor flat. It looked at the food offered

as everyone gathered around for the very last time, the One eyed, Three Horned, Purple People, looked at them, and a humongus tongue came out and licked each one of the three men,

finding the third one to be the most grape-y. The other two men ran lassoed the tongue, but it got away. "I thought I told you to hold your tongue," they were told.