I fed the elephant some acid, and it slept

I fed the elephant some acid, and it slept with one of the fish in the pool last night. The fish told me it has the fucking elephant's baby. I looked at it's belly

button, which was smoking a cigar. "That is a most interesting dream," remarked my therapist. "Now, tell me more about your mother." I shifted uncomfortably on the couch

and reassured myself with the gun hidden in the small of my back. Was he looking for replicants? How could he know? He looked at me with those eyes that were too close together and

I dug my fingers into his sockets and pulled them apart for him. "Ah there you go," I said as his eyeballs plopped out and dangled by the optic nerve. These things are so fragile

you have to wear special gloves, with little bits of velcro on them. The eyeballs stuck just fine, though. "Can I see?" he asked, to which we both laughed.

But I felt a little nervous. How could I live up to such expectations? I mean, the eyeballs stuck on, but what if the lips fell off? What would he think of me then?

As an intern with the Henson Company, I didn't know what to expect in Muppet building. Just then,

Miss Piggy summoned me to her office. It was pink with many pictures of frogs which adored the walls. She looked at me in a wide and inviting gaze

lucky stars that egg layers and mammals are incapable to cross breeding. Though the thought of enormous bossy tadpoles ruling the pond did make me smile, for just a moment.