By the time my car came to a rest in front

By the time my car came to a rest in front of the station, I was so enthralled in my daydream that I didn’t notice myself turning the ignition into the off position. I almost

sharted but I unbuttoned my pants instead. I was daydreaming about the restroom. This station did not look like the kind where the bathroom isn't chock full of Hep C, but

that was the fun of it. I would try 34 more bathrooms that day, a kind of hepatitis Russian roulette in my half-hearted suicide attempts. All because her speeches bored me so.

my parole agent's bullshit Horse Latin logic. I could just head south of the border and become the Mexican Donald Trump. With 17 dollars in my pocket and a bag filled with

a billion more dollars, I could buy up all the cocaine in Mexico and exchange it for blowjobs. It was a foolproof strategy, but unfortunately, I was no fool.

Only a fool would attempt such a dangerous heist, and only a fool would succeed. I decided to abandon the idea. Cocaine and blowjobs would have to wait. Right now I was on my way

to a far less dangerous heist at the Super Soaker factory. "Don't be a hero!" I shouted as I burst in. One woman ignored my advice, shooting me with water. I shot her with bullets.

An unfortunate side effect of performing the heist of the Super Soaker factory with real weapons disguised as Super Soakers was noone took us seriously. The clerk yelled, "nya nya

can't get me!" and hid behind the formica desk. I took aim and was ready to fire when the security system kicked in. We were barraged with 500 water balloons. Damn kids!