The man on the cellphone talked loudly. He

The man on the cellphone talked loudly. He was like a klaxon with a bad script. He was white but yucked it up like House of Payne. The people around him were trying to enjoy

the serenity of the Lord's Prayer or searching their purses for the lowest denomination possible for the offertory. He didn't care. He had an iPod video and would impress her

with the skateboarding dog. In Father O'Malley's experience, the best way to convince a non believer was to show them a miracle. And the way that dog rode that board was sure

eye-catching. Turning water into wine isn't the sexiest miracle but it's amazing what you can do with half a dozen bottles of Merlot. She just needed to open the

concealed pouch and pore in the dehydrated wine dredges and super concentrated alcohol into the water, give it quick shake or stir and Viola a miracle!

"And now for my next trick, Loaves and Fishes." The audience groaned they had seen that one before. "Do that walk on water thing!" said a heckler. "Philistines" he muttered.

His Manager warned him not to play his home town but did he listen? He considered skipping the whole shebang and just ascending outright, but decided to do the water to wine trick

and just get sloppy again. JC ambled over to Mary and

ate the sloppy joe she had made him. "This is bullshit, Mary!" JC shrieked. "I said 'Manwich, please,' not 'pile of shit, please.' Make me another one."