Ritz bits are amazing. I especially love

Ritz bits are amazing. I especially love the peanut butter flavored ones.

If I open my mouth really really wide I can fit 10 Ritz bits in my mouth. Although this one time, whilst stuffing too many in my mouth, I had a terrible accident. What happened was

that I had one hand on the steering wheel and the other shoving biscuits into my mouth when I began to reach my limit- both hands were needed to break my Ritz Record. Unfortunately

that's right when my alarm went off. I've gotta stop eating mexican right before bed. No wonder my body was craving crackers. This was the stupidest

dream I've ever had. What did it mean? As I stumbled towards the kitchen in search of crackers, I instead found myself in a lush meadow. The warm sun on my skin was intoxicating,

Until the monsoon hit and took out everyone in the bar, including the flirty waitress. Fiji, what a fickle bitch you are. Now I had to fight for a life raft against 78 Fijians in

The Agean Sea. A hole in my Socrates developed and I had a serving of Plato while there. Athena came to my aid and helped me defeat the 78 Fijiians. Life was good, at least for now

I wouldn't be haunted by the notion that a horizon full of black sails meant my son was dead. Feeling magnanimous, I helped the surviving Fijiians return to their own Ithacas which

welcomed me as a hero. But the accolades could not lift me from the doubts about my only child. Had I done enough to ensure his safety? Can any parent truly know?