Homeschooling your children is an act of

Homeschooling your children is an act of aggression against the state. Growing your own food is a display of defiance against your rulers. Arming and protecting your own home is a

harsh task against these lawn gnomes. The looks from the creepy self-righteous home-schooling Mormons down the street didn't help. But those lawn gnomes were real. I got a goat

cheese crepe once. It was stinky but good. I once pooed my undies and hid them under a lawn gnome so my dad wouldn't find out. All was good until we got a dog because

when our dog came running in with those poopy undies when mom was helping sis with her first menstruation, let's just say it wasn't pretty. I never ate another cheese crepe again.

It was hard, going through life having to refuse cheese crepes over & over. At weddings, bar mitzvahs, parties...why, even my future mother-in-law wondered why I had to run out of

cheddar and goat cheese during the rehearsal dinner. My future Mother-in-Law harangued "Holy Crepe Suzette, Miranda, if you're future husband can't keep the bling in his blintzes

You are in trouble with the food police. Beware of the food police, who monitor sugar, salt, fat and cholesterol." She was being harrassed by them nightly since she went vegetarian

And went off the gold standard. The food police announced their quota or Suggested Nutritional Values and you met them or you met them. Meeting them was not an option. So when you

met them you had to commit hara-kiri and your minimum daily requirements wound up all over the rug. But I sewed you back up and you wound up back at work within five business days.