Reluctantly he started up the hill again,

Reluctantly he started up the hill again, feeling each step creak through his joints sending pain and a frustratingly loud grinding noise to alert those around him to his impending

disintegration. He had been competing in the Cooper's Hill Cheese Rolling Race for as long as he could remember and that kind of impact took it's toll. He longed for a cold beer, a

vintage Hustler magazine and those anal beads his grandma left him in her will. Even though they'd seen better days, they brought back memories of Christmases past to comfort his

new Russian mail order bride. These items reminded her of her brother and so they made her feel at home. She only planned to be married to him long enough for

her lose the accent and scrounge away a couple thousand from the grocery money he gave her every week. Then she would make her escape and be reunited with Javier

her latin love machine from the local gym. Oh she yearned for the day she could tear off his lycra cycling shorts in the privacy of their own love nest. If only they could ditch

the Mormon spiritual foundation garments permanently affixed to their torsos. No matter, the latin love machine would still be able to perform after a quick tune up for

spice & lube. They would have to find divine justification for the looming flesh fiesta. Perhaps an Angel Moroni pinata would descend from a cloud, & they would whack at it blindly

with their canes. On the other hand, Sizzler was calling their names and it was 4:00 and they did qualify for the Senior Discount. "It Depends," she quipped, "on whether