I told my guests that I loved their shoes

I told my guests that I loved their shoes so that they might keep them on, the sight of crinkled toes made me dizzy and ruined more than one Amway party

. It was a real problem for me. I was bad at small talk. I'd always end up saying something completely inappropriate. Like last weekend, for example. I went to a party at my boss'

house & I just knew I'd put my foot in it so I suggested we play charades to avoid speaking. My Boss said you go first so I got up & decided to act out that I wanted a raise, but

my boss had trouble. "Four words... First two. Eye roll? I dough? I knead? I NEED! Third word... small, I? A? A! Forth... Sunlight? Ray? Rays? I need a rays? I don't get it..."

And that, your Honor, is when I shot him. Don't you see how misunderstood my attempts were? My boss was either a clueless charades player or a manipulative miser.

So please don't arrest me, I beg you. Well, if you do try, don't worry, I still have a gun, and I can use it. Stay away from me, if you know what's good for you. Err, your Honor.

Seriously. I will shoot it. You know. If I need to. I'm not guilty, so don't make me shoot you, your Honor. No, don't send the bailiff I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL SHOOT THE BAILIFF

Ok son, now put the water pistol down... The security guards jumped me and relieved me of my watery weapon. The judge proceeded to sentence me to 30 days community service for my

Carrying a water pistol into my house. It is just a toy! What the hell are these people smoking? I do not know and it makes no sense. Nothing makes sense to me any more, I must say

I wanted to lay down the Super Soaker, but it had to end with watery retribution. I sprayed down my family as the Jetstream pushed them across the room. Soak it up.