Bertie wore a cool party hat to the occasion

Bertie wore a cool party hat to the occasion but when he got there, he noticed everyone was just staring at him. "Jumping Spiders Gone Wild" would be his downfall, especially now

that animal porn was taboo. Bertie realized that this was one of those no-nonsense, "get in, get off, and get out" porn theatres. No underage female spiders with erotic webbery,

no "come into my parlor" type invitations. But Bertie's greatest pleasure was spider foreplay. Bertie went alone into the porn theatre to see "Doing Daddy Longlegs," he never

hung around alone. At the spider porn show Bertie saw a spider with a-rach! She had juicy spinnerets. She was all legs. He wanted to crawl over there and try to

straddle the web. She had the most eyes he'd ever seen. One look from her sent shivers down his spine. "M'lady Tarantula," Bertie began. "Might I, your humble servant, offer you

The unlikely courtship of Lady Jane, by Bertie the Siamese cat was aided by his offering of smallish fried insects & mammals thrown into her web & their marriage soon consummated.

Alas, their marital bliss was brief when Lady Jane fatally stung her new husband, Bertie, a Siamese cat. Due to his size it took several hours for him to die in the 8 arms of his b

eloved arachno-wife. Lady Jane spun her felino-husband into a cocoon and hung him on her web. She then went stalking for another mate of another species. Preferably one that could

hold down a decent job and would wash the dishes every now and then, for the love of all things holy. But such an insect could not be found. "All bugs are rats," she muttered.