So he threw the lightening bolt and it hit

So he threw the lightening bolt and it hit the whale in the blow hole. The whale grew and glowed and Zeus laughed. A dragon head came out of the Whale's back and

started singing the French national anthem. The whale was doomed. She was in foreign enemy waters, with a singing dragon head bursting out of her blow hole. Desperately, she tried

thinking of that spell the witch had tried to offer her when the whale had swallowed her cauldron. "Spuggedy, duggedy, moopy wuzup!", she chanted shakily. The dragon did not budge.

The tip of his tail twitched, shaking the floor of the cave. But the distraction held. The dragon was glued to TV; he lived for Oprah, even in re-runs. She was nearly safe, but

Tom Cruise began jumping up and down on Oprah's couch, and the dragon became enraged and pounded his tail into the TV. She made a break for the mouth of the cave and almost

tripped over a Bilbo who had the same idea. Why'd she let him talk her into helping him pilfer items from old Smaug? Even a dragon in a reitrement home is still a dangerous worm.

Her thoughts were suddenly confirmed as a crack appeared in the tiles ahead of her. Smaug's massive tail lifted slowly through the floor of the nursing home, and barred her escape.

In a move worthy of a Michael Bay movie, she pulled her revolvers from their holsters and threw herself backwards away from the monster, firing haphazardly at it as

lense flares glinted off small rivets of molten lead arching forth. If this were a movie, whole render farms would be used for the CGI. And yet, you would never remember her face.