As a pastor of the Utilitarian Church of

As a pastor of the Utilitarian Church of Objective Philosophy I've married people with cars, roller coasters, ferris wheels, video game characters & garden fences, but now I'll

embark on my strangest endeavor to date. Lilliana Masterson, a recent colleague of mine, wanted to be lawfully wed to her own eyebrows. As a friend and supporter I could not say no

way Jose because I lacked the umlaut and I didn't ever plan on filling that lack. So Lilliana married her eye brows and they moved to Bonnybooke Upon Macy's, into sheep country.

meet. Bonnybooke Upon Macy merely tolerated Lilliana, hoping that her love of sheep would follow. It did not. Leprechauns wept green tears as she walked, stony-faced, past the wee

folks home. A sickly sprite wobbled up to Lilliana on an insect's wing for a crutch. Lilliane must not have seen it. She stepped on it. The terrible squish that was heard round the

the entire old folklore folks home. Lilliane was horrified at what she had done, looking down at the body of the squashed sprite. She quickly wiped her shoe, hoping no one had seen

the small smile that graced her features when the creature was crushed. Did she feel a little bad? Yes. Would she do it again? Yes. No, she had to hide the evidence with

her own hand. She took a shovel and started digging a hole in the backyard. Then she buried the crushed creature, trying to hide her smile, and

then suddenly, the ghost of the creature rose out from the hole. It lunged at the woman, causing her to scream in fright and end up falling into the hole.