She'd been looking for this inscription for

She'd been looking for this inscription for years. The oldest known recorded written words, hidden for centuries. But, when she finally wiped away the dust, the tablet simply read

-- well, it would be more accurate to say that the ancient tablet had been inscribed in somehow abstractly recognizable patterns, and it turned out to be a laundry receipt. Doctor

Fghuiop had not been kidding when he said to watch out.

Watch out was a mere understatement for what I was now going through. Everything was now complicated, I wished Fghulop warned me sooner before everything began to change.

But now's not the time to dwell on it. I'm on a ship back to Australia with half a shirt, a missing foot, and six pounds of magpie feathers that are SUPPOSEDLY very important.

The feathers were at least comfortable as a pillow & kept me warm in my container. As for my foot I had a good lead on its location.When the ship unloaded at Sydney port the magpie

had chewed through the hinges of my crate and I saw the sun for the first time in weeks. I thanked the magpie and marveled at the upside-down world of Australia. But the police

saw what I was doing and shoved me back inside with a taser pole, tsk-ing all the while about the disrespectful Americans who keep showing up with Bowie knives to act out their

mumblety-peg fantasies using the Bowies instead of pocket knives. In time, they tire of the Bowie knives too, until one of them says, “Hey, let’s use machetes!” So that begins