When asked what he thought of War Coven,

When asked what he thought of War Coven, Ryan gave it an enthusiastic thumbs-up and said, "It's fun! Wanna play now, Mom?"

Roger Ebert gave it a thumbs-down. "You don't think video games are art, so why bother?" I asked him. Ebert was an annoying houseguest. He thumbs-downed my mom's lasagna too. Criti

Cal over the ricotta cheese?! Really?! We were sick of Ebert, and longed for the days of Roeper, he'd like the lasagna, I was sure of it. I knew Ebert had to go, and it wasn't goin

g to be easy to pry them apart. They'd had a contentious relationship, but now they're practically joined at the hip. Eating this much lasagna also wasn't helping hone their hips

for all the insane, cartoon slapstick they had to put up with day after day. Jon had to start hiding dietary supplements in Garfield's lasagna. Pets can be stubborn as all get out.

Garfield liked sour cream, ham and cheese. Maybe Jon could hide it in the sour cream? He asked his mum as to her opinion, and she did not answer for three minutes. It seemed ages.

It seemed as though his mum had eaten the diuretic meant for Garfield, thinking it was her daily vitamin. She stood there for three more minutes while her intestines relaxed. Why?

I wondered to myself. Why did mother not read the label? Now she was letting out gas quicker than Dale Earnhardt Jr. at a championship race. I saw my poor mother run for the toilet

but on there way there, she got distracted by a scene happening outside the window. Flatulence forgotten, my mother went back to her favourite curtain-twitching pastime. I couldn't