I should have filled my summer house with

I should have filled my summer house with crack cocaine and pimp tattoo sex freaks. I called my real estate agent and proposed

to him. He was surprised but agreed & we were off within the hour to Las Vegas. On our wedding night I ran past him my plan for crack cocaine n sex freaks parties. He was surprised

I had profit-loss projections for the enterprise devised in a complex of intricate Excel worksheets. He was surprised I could recite The Story of the Eye with my ankles behind my

Tail, which was like that of a raccoon. He commented on my beautiful fur coat and big paws. "Better to eat you with", I said spontaneously. He didn't know what to say!

I laughed, "I'm just joking! I'm not a carnivore!" He was confused, but nervously laughed. He was a nervous raccoon, & he didn't have much experience with talking to girl raccoons.

“Aww,” the girl raccoon cooed. “You’re blushing!” And Dr. Phil just facepalmed, as the blushing and shy guy raccoon hid behind him.

Dr. Phil turned to the crowd and said "See men, this is why you should be brave like the guy racoon." He added "To get the girl racoon, you gotta go through the trash to find a

partially eaten taco grande maximomismo." The audience was stunned that that was Dr. Phil's takeaway from the gruesome video they had just watch. It had clearly been raccoon rape.

Violated raccoons from across the globe wrote in to the network, and soon Dr. Phil's show was cancelled. Secretly, he was relieved, and took a quiet managerial job at Taco Mojo.

But the enraged raccoons weren't satisfied. A group of raccoon activists stormed the Taco Mojo where Dr. Phil worked and threw rotten, trash eggs at his shiny, bald head. He cried.