No, no, Bruce. Not Butt Pirates. But pirates.

No, no, Bruce. Not Butt Pirates. But pirates. They are grammar terrorists.

Some use the semi-colon like a sword of mercy. Others are more adept at the apostrophe. In either case, they are to be ignored. It's something my teacher once

Ttried to teach me; alas, I've ignored him; and, it's not become part of my do's and don't's. No matter,

nothing he's ever said has amounted to anything but failure and endless apologies from me and everyone else he calls friends. We stopped that a long time ago, but he doesn't let go

of things, of people. At first we assumed the cracked windows, spilled vases, crooked pictures, all the tweaked & broken items in our homes were random. We know now it was him. He

was real. My parents had been right. Santa did exist and he had totally destroyed my house. How do you get even with someone who lives in the North Pole? Well first you

Christmas wasn't necessary. The revolution was. Only from bringing about these disasters would there be hope for another similarly joyous day after the dust settles.

So, we decided that we were going to have to kill Santa Claus in order to save Christmas. How that will save Christmas, I have no idea, but it will work somehow. So, we decided

to kill Santa and keep his skin and flesh. We preserved it in some liquid that wouldn't let it rot. We paid a guy to wear the flesh every year but Santa was missed...