"This bloody time-tracking software." Kirt

"This bloody time-tracking software." Kirt violently lashed out with his foot at the computer tower sitting next to him. "It's lost all my entries again." His company had always

granted the cubicle slags "Hawaiian Shirt" Friday. It was supposed to make you feel cool. Like Hawkeye from MASH. But it only made the office seem more banal because

Noone could muster the dry wit of a Hawkeye & there was not Hotlips - just Big Bertha the obese lady from accounting whose balloon-like milky thighs the poor office slags salivated

for. They dreamed of one day being caressed by her flaccid arms. and go on a summer holiday with her and her red mini bikini. Too bad that was all a dream, as in the real world

The one thing he wasn't sure of was what to do with the cork?! He figured it would be useful for

cornholing, but only if they were married. "getting back to that CORN STUFF"

was the semi-appropriately-titled song played at their wedding ceremony, which consisted almost entirely of cornholing. The honeymoon consisted almost entirely of

mooning each other in suspect locations, swirlies, wedgies, Indian burns, and wet Willies. What really took the prankster honeymooners to the next level was when the new husband

turned off the lights and his tie read in phospherous paint "Won't you kiss me in the dark baby?" She laughed and gave him a joy buzzing he would never forget.