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On house arrest and unemployed, Pete had

  • On house arrest and unemployed, Pete had nothing better to do than to punk the mailman and spy on his neighbors. One day, while using his Steiner Tactical binoculars,

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  • he spotted a walking lettuce on his street. Stunned, Pete took off the binoculars and went outside to where the lettuce was walking. Strangely enough, it was nowhere to be found.

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  • Pete didn't realize that his binoculars were actually a View-Master filled with images of pedestrian lettuce. In the first slide, the lettuce wore velcro light-ups with Buzz

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  • Lightyear visor & flight suit. Pete was mesmerized by the 3D View-Master images. He projected himself into the universe of freeze dried lettuce head earth invaders. Capt. Iceberg

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  • seemed like he kept a cool head, but he also seemed rather conventional and tightly wrapped. Capt. Iceberg invited Pete to become an Ensign to help with the invasion of Earth

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  • Day Festivals by people who believed that Pot would save they world. Capt. Pete wanted Ensign Pete to "keep the pot heads off the lawn."

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  • But Ensign Pete was oblivious, running through the sprinklers in his red pull-over saying, "I don't see any flower-pots that look like heads..."

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  • Ensign Pete had taken too many blows to the noggin during forbidden submarine boxing matches, most of them delivered by Ensign Asik. Born in Istanbul, Asik was a monster of a man,

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  • his hands were two slabs of ham covered in calluses from many underwater bouts. Asik was the favorite to win. Both him and Ensign Pete put on their diving bells and boxing gloves.

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  • Down they went, flailing at each other, each determined to win the championship. A nearby shark picked up the scent of ham & that was that. A new champion arose from the deep: JAWS

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