He was an Emo hitman who was plagued with

He was an Emo hitman who was plagued with suicidal thoughts every time he was contracted to kill someone.

He was jealous of his victims. It wasn't fair that they got to die and he didn't. It also wasn't fair that the whole world sucked, especially his parents. The Emo hitman cried

"where have all the cowboys gone?", not fulling realizing that EMO meant DYING FOR ROUGH MEN IN JEANS. Yup. The denim gets 'em every time.

Now keep in mind, this denim fad was in 1998, & I was much more busy trying to find Luigi in Super Mario 64 (he wasn't in there). Was that '98? I'm no good at years. I looked for

Waldo all day until my brains turn to mush, but now where was I? Oh yes, when ol' Sheriff Willie, bless his poor epileptic soul, got on his black denim jeans, I knew it was time to

him. I wanted to make him see just how much I loved him. How perfect we were together. But it was too late. No matter how pretty and short the skirt, he just wasn't into guys.

I consulted a guru who was knowledgeable on such things. "Oh Guru! I really love this guy! I've tried everything to win his heart, but he doesn't go for guys. What should I do? ?"

"The answer is simple" stated the guru. "It lies within yourself, but it is hidden. Only you can hide the key to your loved one's heart from yourself. You already know what to do."

"I do? But I always lose things. It would be just like me to lose the key & not remember where I left it." So he looked where it was most radiant, under his love's aura & found it.