Not everybody has useful super powers. Take

Not everybody has useful super powers. Take the 'Barista Belle,' who can change water from tepid to near boiling with her mind or 'That Guy,' who can pick up radio waves with his

radio. Pretty lame. But Barista Belle is hot. I asked her if she could heat my hottub. She was pretty steamed about my lame come on, but when I told her my my useless superpower

was that all hot tubs I climbed into instantly became cold, she realized it wasn't a come on at all. Even though it was. A tear rolled down her cheek and she said, "Sure, Monsieur,

you play fast & loose, hot & cold..." "I fart in you general direction," he interrupted. Somewhere in the garden, a lone violin started playing. She picked up her mask & snorkel &

put on her flippers & loaded her speargun. The rules of Hide & Seek had devolved into a Lord of the Flies type situation. The violin stopped suddenly and from behind a rose bush

Leaped out birds that greeted her in Gibberish. How did they learn it? Did birds go to school, she politely asked. They looked at each other and then at her, replying:

"Yes, of course! Birds get to learn like all of us. Why shouldn't they?" She was confused and embarrassed, but still couldn't comprehend speaking birds.

"Well, if you haven't heard of speaking birds," a voice cried out, "I'm willing to bet my left tentacle you haven't ever thought of talking octopi!"

"I've seen them," came the whispered reply. "I just choose not to *notice* them. Trust me that it's best to not attract their attention." It was true. The birds were everywhere

and they were watching. Always watching. It was fifteen years before I accidentally stared at one of them, and then they came, eating me alive as a warning to all the other humans.