He'd always lived for the little things in

He'd always lived for the little things in life: letting his dog shit in someone else's yard, putting perishable items where they'd surely perish when shopping. But he never though

t anyone really noticed. That is, until he died & met St. Peter at the pearly gates. "Your past passive aggressive behavior is delaying your entry," St. Peter explained. "But if

you can correctly guess in which hand I have the key to heaven, I will let you come in." St. Peter held out his fists for the man to choose. Eeny-meeny-miney-mo. He tapped St. Pet

er's aura with his halo scanner. "Left, no right." St. Peter tut tutted. "No cheating." before holding up a yellow card followed by a red card with horns. The man found himself

he wanted this "thing" to get out of this "Matrix." He'd learned the ways of Orpheus, and now he was the new Orpheus trying to wake up the ants in his ant farm to the fact that

their new home was now in his pants. This made life livelier, but it still didn't manage to get the new Orpheus' "thing" out of the "Matrix" and back in his pants with the ants.

So they sent in a surgical team of experts. They extracted the new Orpheus from the Matrix but with it came twelves Smiths. The ants were having none of it. There in his pants they

transformed into Adam Ant. They asked The Smiths, "Is now soon enough", just as their collective armored left foot connected with Morrissey's unused penumdrumolie into the vortex d

Rum. Morrissey replied, "The more you ignore me, the closer I get." The left foot did not know what the right was doing any more, Johnny Marr said as the toes split off one by one.