Whitebait! Get yer whitebait here! Genocide

Whitebait! Get yer whitebait here! Genocide on a plate! Mitchell's a great man, he is! Come and but your genocide!

That's how Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu welcomed George Mitchell when he arrived in his Middle East Peace Project. To that, Mitchell raised a ham sandwich and

gave the Prime Minister a confident wink. "Now let me tell you something, you delusional prick." said Mitchell. "I..." but Mitchell was cut off by two Peace Project Gestapo who

decided that his left end didn't quite belong attached to his right. Peace clearly taking second seat to the protection of the Prime Minister, Mitchell was cleaved into two halves

One half was given to their esteemed leader. The other half was given to B'chugerroth -- king of living shadows born of echoes of light from dying stars.

A moment later B'chugerroth took physical form before their eyes and immediately started bitching about how he had gotten the smaller half. "Dude, they're identical!" I yelled, but

upon the spirit of Joseph Stalin to take control. In a flash, the late Soviet dictator's soul imbued my testicle with almost limitless power. My balls were ready to conquer Earth.

Well, at least one of them was - only one testicle had limitless power. "This'll have to do for now, Steve", I said to my left nut, as we flew through the roof and towards China.

But it was not to be. Why, oh why, had I been born a girl? My testicle shrank into the blender of oblivion and my anus gulped emphatically. 'Abracadabra' was not an adequate phrase