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I live in fear at Starbucks. I am a Barrista

  • I live in fear at Starbucks. I am a Barrista of misery, for I suffer from alien hand syndrome.

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  • Alien hand syndrome deforms the hands to have two claws. So If I get Starbucks I can't hold the cup or it will fall and burn my hand or worse...my feet

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  • The most effect drug for curing Alien Hand Syndrome is Graoladge. Side effects include drooling, talking incoherently, morphing into a full alien, and occasionally certain death.

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  • Eventually. There was no timetable for certain death, but the makers of Alien Hand Syndrome drugs found that existential crises on packaging lead to greater sales. The drooling was

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  • one of the minor side effects. Anyway three digit green hands with two opposable suction cups & a snorkel was sure to be a hit at the Halloween party. They came in handy at the

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  • climbing wall, with the suction cups and all. And the reef... for the snorkel... As he pondered the meaning of life jeremiah raided the fridge. Cowered in the corner, there was

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  • a small thread to the plot. He reached in and unraveled it. He suddenly came to his senses and realized he was 40 stories up and one of the suction-cups was giving away. (eep)

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  • He came to in heaven, where God was standing over him. "Well done, good and faithful servant," God boomed. Well, now, this was a conundrum, since he was an avowed atheist.

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  • Though he was an atheist, Heaven wasn't so bad. Things were so shiny and the wireless was stellar, so he wrote "3 out of 10" in his iPad journal. That is, until he saw Andy Warhol

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  • eating right out of a Campbell's Soup can. "Wow. Just wow." he said. "Nice touch." With a quick edit, he upped his score to 3.5 out of 10, the highest score he'd ever granted.

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4 Comments

  1. BlastedHeath Nov 22 2012 @ 06:57

    Barristas are so misunderstood. ;-)

  2. PurpleProf Nov 22 2012 @ 08:57

    I really gotta hand it to everyone on this one. Hilarious!

  3. jayursus Nov 25 2012 @ 00:39

    I'd hand it to everyone too, except my claws tend to get in the way....

  4. Zetawilk Dec 12 2012 @ 01:46

    The actual alien hand syndrome reminds me of a collaborative story I worked on with two guys over at Yellow5 back in the day. And he had an evil manosurgeon hunting after him. I still have that story saved somewhere. What a handsome tale.

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