Seth's diet had slowly degenerated over the

Seth's diet had slowly degenerated over the course of the past months. His time as a restaurant critic was of no use to him on a strict regimen of grubs, crickets and leeches.

led him to an existence as a mole smack dab in the middle of the cleavage of Drew Carrey's man breasts. Luckily he was obscured by

his grotesque double chin, the extent of which reached places no double chin had reached before.His man breasts felt cuddly warm, safe and protected by it, but little did they know

that hidden underneath the layers of flab, was the most extraordinary body part I'd ever seen. Not one, not two, but three strange shaped

mounds of pimply warts emerged from under the folded and raised layers of stored fat. The pores couldn't get enough air, but had no shortage of oil. They festered and became huge,

discolored boils of pus. They looked and smelled a lot like those sulfur cauldrons at Yellowstone especially when I squeezed them until they burst

like Helga, my inflate-a-bitch. She was magnificent. All I had wanted to do was please her, but putting a diamond-encrusted dildo in her ear was obviously a poor decision.

It was if I ripped a hole in my very soul. I was deflated, flat...empty. Who would keep me company now? Real women were out of the question. I looked at the giant diamond penis.

I kept it on the mantle with my other awards. The sunlight refracted off it's many facets. Being #1 in adult entertainment was an empty victory without love. A tear rolled down.