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"The time is ten o'clock, do you know where

  • "The time is ten o'clock, do you know where your children are?" chimed the television, and all Icould think was, "No. No I do not."

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  • So I immediately grabbed my duck telephone and called Ed Asner

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  • Ed, I took all of your pictures down from my walls. How can you having pudding if you don't eat your meat? Ed simply moaned into my phone At my age, Ed is spelled E.D.

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  • How could you exspect me to keep them? I only took them to please you because I was having an affair with your girlfriend... I could hear Ed crunching his spare camera lenses...

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  • "TOO MUCH DRAMA!" Ed shouted from behind me. Ed hated drama more than anything, even more than bad grammar. He's a hypocrite though:

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  • He'd really meant trauma, not drama. I was guessing it was the seventh blow to his dome that was taking a little of the grammar-king out of him. "It's TRAUMA Dip-shit!" I signed.

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  • I turned and took three steps before something hit me in the back of the head. I put up my hand and pulled it away, wet and red. A pomegranate? Where'd he get one of those?

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  • "Ow! What's the matter with you?" "Oh, sorry," he replied sheepishly. "I was aiming for that tin can over your left shoulder"

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  • "well be more careful when throwing those grenades around. You could take someones eye out". So he changed the game again and started throwing the pins instead over his head into

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  • his pocket,but he got confused and... let's just say that the neighbor's dog had "a hand" with his dinner.

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