I was a hamster, but god damnit, a good hamster

I was a hamster, but god damnit, a good hamster at that, might I add. All other hamsters wished they could harness my intellect, but no one but I knows the truth. It all started

when my master turned on A Few Good Men, and I heard "You can't handle the truth," as I ran in my wheel. I spoke of the truth at length, and when other hamsters read my manifesto,

they lampooned it as overly sentimental and unfeasible. Still, I would not rest until I and my hamster brethren were free of the tyrannical censorship of the gerbils. The truth

would set my hamster brethren free from the oppression of the gerbils, but my hamster balls were swollen with disease and I knew I would not cross that Jordan with them. The Wheel

of Fortune was on so I decided to rest. After all, I'm a hamster. I blurted out the answer, "Nick of Time." The scientist turned around. "Can you speak?" Should I tell her

or just squeak? We stared, unblinking, mine eyes bulging. I panted so she would think I was trying to communicate then groomed my tail. As she turned I loudly hissed, "YESSSSSS!"

She was stunned looking at those wierd looking creatures. It reminded her their alliegance with the team swat cats.

She didn't bat an eye, however, but decided she's better back away from this entire situation before something terrible happened. "I...I must be on my way now," she stammered.

All the faces turned in her direction. The music stopped. "Must you go so soon? The party is just getting started!" They brushed the cobwebs off and set her down, at last.