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In a world...

  • In a world...

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  • where the future is jet-packs and robots and domed cities with six lane highways and food that comes in a pill... HE was the man who would save it... HE was the chosen one... HE

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  • was Ronald McDonald 3016. Part clown, part burger, part machine. His protocol sensors had the latest NSA sweeping arcs. His red lips held a comm device. The Burger King

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  • Annihilation Committee had tried to commission the Ronald McDonald 3016 cyborg to systematically exterminate the fast food franchise, but the Wendy Obliteration League's offer was

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  • Designed to provide healthy competition. Pun intended. The menu now included goat's head soup. Given the beef shortage, goats were conscribed to fight in their stead. Cyborgs

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  • hadn't been used since the incidents of '83, so the only option was genetically optimized farm animals. And no one wanted to be wasteful, so casualties often became meals. It was

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  • Porcupine roadkill gumbo one day & moose mush meatloaf on another. At least roadkill had a unique taste, unlike the genetically optimized farm animals. They all tasted like chicken

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  • that had been basted in bath water. I miss tomatoes, peas, celery, and carrots. I never thought I would have to slit a peapod's throat. These government mutations messed up my

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  • vegetarian sensibilities. But being under contract meant that if they needed a beet or a cabbage to wear a cement over coat, then that's what I had to accomplish, even if it hurt

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  • Aunt Valetta' s feelings. She was pretty sensitive about her vegetables. So I surrendered the beet and cabbage, we did the deed, and it was over, as in O-V-E-R. You read me?

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