After endless hours of trying, I finally

After endless hours of trying, I finally got it right: I took off my glasses, spun around, my hair loosening from it's bun, &, in a flash of light. I, Gary Kowalski, became Wonder

Gary. Fabulous squared. Everyone would be arriving soon. I couldn't wait for their reactions. Little Gary Kowalski no more; say hello to WONDER GARY! He checked his mascara, adjust

ed his garters & checked the seams of his fishnets. Wonder Gary looked himself over in the mirror again. One word: HOT! When he opened his door to greet his unsuspecting friends,

that he would the most popular alter boy. Gary went to destroy his secret stash of chick's undies, but was side tracked by an odd craving for Thin Mints. "I hate mint and chocolate

except when combined. Together they offer a refreshing supernova to my taste buds." Gary always was prone to overblown, flowery language, especially when it came to chocolate.

"Well, I thought it was good." That was all that needed to be said about that chocolate. "No need for big words." We sat at the table, still chewing our candy, doing what we always

do. Suddenly, a scraping noise, like metal on metal, the kind that made us all flinch, emanated from downstairs. The basement. I checked the clock. 11:11.

then I felt the rumbling. Ass ninjas jumped out of me. 16 of them. Nunchucks, swords and envelopes of cash. This was way uglier than I could have

imagined. 16 ass ninjas, that's 32 butt cheeks. Did they have faces where their butts should be? Or more butts? The math started to leave me dizzy until I past out.