Mary never liked me. She always thought

Mary never liked me. She always thought me off-putting. I never quite understood. While I admit I

think she found my detailed plans to poison her with the 'Round Up', I did think I'd got away with the attempt to smother her with the

toaster oven, but she managed to escape. How can I kill her without getting caught? Well back to another episode of 1000 ways to die. There must be

some way to kill her slowly and painfully that won't bring suspicion back to me.

I started slow, not taking her out except once a month and then going to the same museum over and over. Boring her to death, phase one, was complete. For phase two, I planned to

overwhelm her with a new pet every day. Frank had always told me that women love animals, and if I was going to confuse her, I may as well do it properly. The first day, I gave her

12 Norwegian yaks and a bad case of crabs. I followed that up the next day with a puppy. She did seem confused but Frank insisted his animal gift plan was solid. The third day, I

was busy sorting the yak lice by gender, size and color, when - of all people - she walked up to me and

asked for help in that annoying little voice she has,looking at me with those big eyes,sweet as hell.I just walked away and never got back.The bitch was crazy!