To the save the last of the Yetis found deep

To the save the last of the Yetis found deep in the Himalayas, Goodall teamed up with the acclaimed neurologist Dr. Frankenpepper who planned to graft extra sex organs donated by

nudists from Madagascar. But Goodall didn't have time for all this jolly-making, she had just concluded that Chimpanzees, were after all, a collection of hairy assholes. She poured

another round of Jägermeister and passed them to the chimps surrounding her. They may be assholes but they sure knew how to hold their liquor. Jane slung back her shot amid hoots

and high fives. The best thing about drinking with chimps is the high-fiving, at least until Jane got drunk enough to start throwing her own feces. The Animal Planet cameraman

ducked just in time as a steaming glop of Jane's own drop went hurling past him. This had become a drunken poo fling zoo. Charles ran across the floor when out of nowhere

a gaggle of pygmy velociraptors took him down and began to eat him alive. Charles' screams alerted the zoo gestapo but it was past feeding time for the little guys so they let them

gorge until their surprisingly large appetites were satisfied. When they were through eating, the herd of mouse-sized velociraptors had left nothing behind of Charlie except his

expensive sunglasses. It seems strange that the only remaining part of him was the part I loathed so much.

His outlandish cybernetic penis. Free from the control of his central nervous system, it clicked and whirred in confusion, spasming on the ground like a beached eel. Bemused, I