Doug Johnson. 4339 Arcadia Way. Objective:

  • Doug Johnson. 4339 Arcadia Way. Objective: Senior-level marketing executive position with 100% client retention. Skills: Power tools, Office suite (staplers, etc.), Use of ATVs,

  • and wife chucking. Doug Johnson went to this interview, chest out, he did a few "Confedencing Jacks" in the bathroom. He yelled, "Shark!" five times in the mirror. The interveiwer'

  • s could barely restrain him as he burst into the interview room so pumped on adrenaline was he. The first question: "So, Mr Johnson, if you were any animal, what would it be?

  • I'd be a speedy sloth who ate cocoa leaves, no a shifty eyed gecko with attention deficit disorder, no I think I'd be a obsessing supergenius coyote, wait is this a trick question?

  • "Thank you Mr. Gecko. You have completed our tests and I have to say, you have done splendidly. Splendidly indeed. The Accountancy Squad will now take over and discuss your bill.

  • We are sorry to tell you that to pay the bills, you might have to sell the State Farm. However, we may be able to save you 15% on your car insurance. If we can get

  • your first born child and left nut. But if not the trials of hell await you. So sign up today and receive a free toaster or

  • Your choice of coffee at Starbuck's for a year. Both will become rarer in one years time. Just think about it. Life is going to change a lot in ways you cannot imagine now.

  • Even more so in ten years. Everyone will be riding in self-driving cars which will have plenty of bells and whistles. Your car will be equipped with a combination coffee maker and

  • automatic butt wiper, which will be like a wind-sheild wiper, only for butts. I know this sounds crude, and I'm sorry. But it would be oh so convenient for those busy commutes.



  1. Woab Sep 29 2016 @ 14:39

    Hm, began and ended with executive supplies. What does it mean?

  2. Rebbie Sep 29 2016 @ 14:49

    It means watch out during important interviews, they end up selling you things that only the rich and crazy can afford or would want. Don't touch my butt!

  3. LordVacuity Sep 29 2016 @ 17:38

    I am touching your butt with my mind.

  4. SlimWhitman Sep 29 2016 @ 17:54

    Hey, cut it out. I felt that.

  5. Rebbie Sep 29 2016 @ 18:45

    Woab's the one who like that stuff!

  6. Woab Sep 30 2016 @ 12:34

    But, butt....

  7. SlimWhitman Sep 30 2016 @ 17:35

    Don't butt in.

Want to leave a comment?

Sign up!