The homeowner kept a handgun on his bedside

The homeowner kept a handgun on his bedside table in order to protect himself against intruders. A statute provides that "all firearms must be stored in a secure container that is

not easily opened by children." Well, that's covered, he thought as he looked at the firearm contained in an old Miracle Whip jar. It would take minutes at least for a child to

clean all the mayo off the gun. By then the little jerk would have his prints all over it. Now if he could just get him to wash the knife that was inside the caper jar, then he

would get off scott free. The capers would eventually be eaten and no one would notice the slight note of blood in the salty brine. "I've never heard of red capers" they'd say.

But I would say, "Red capers? They are just salty red hots.". I never was good at lying - like the time I said to Erin Moran at a ComicCon, "LOVED 'Joanie Loves Chiachi'."

And she asked me what episode was my favorite and I told her the one where you thought Chcachi cheated on you and she replied that that was every episode. D'oh. Still she looked

women to keep watching and men to leap from tall buildings. Just last week the ratings doubled and eight more men took their last breath. If we were smart

you quit watching old "Wonder Woman and Superman reruns" If you didn't get drunk and try to Fly, the stupid plots depressed you so much you jumped. Either way stay off the

Shetland ponies, you are way to obese for that. I would think you'd know that by now. Quit your daydreaming! You have a 3-inch vertical leap. Fly like Superman? Not even in dreams!