I was driving along the A82 in the gloaming

I was driving along the A82 in the gloaming when I heard clashing chords. From the depths of Loch Ness rose a sparkly beast playing a star-shaped guitar: the Glam Rockness Monster!

Groannn.. a marching cohort of bagpipers fell on their naken bums in the Loch's shore gripping their ears. crying "awa' n bile me heid" for although puny, the Glam Rockness Monster

was named Lady Gaga. The marching cohort of bagpipers swung their instruments right into her grill.

"Show me your teeth!" Lady Gaga cried as the bagpipers filed past. She was broken, but she liked it that way. But they all had poker faces.

One of the bagpipers fainted when Lady told him she wanted to go for a ride on his disco stick. "Let's have some fun; this beat is sick" took on a whole different meaning.

All over again as it must throughout all ages, from the whispers of the dust to the dusts of the whisper. So lightly did Prophecy Bless you, but not short in any measure, from the

Sanctity of the bleachers at Wrigley Field. Please don't drive drunk, use auto-rickshaws instead. They will get you home. Don't let life's curve balls throw you off.

Of course, while I was watching for the curve ball, life threw me a change up. Confident that I was doing everything right, I hopped into the auto-rickshaw and said " To the pub!"

I knew as soon as the red-eyed rickshaw driver ran past all the pubs and straight out of town that I had made my fatal mistake. As he veered around a corner, I leapt out of the

rickshaw rolled under the bridge. I slipped into the trunk of VW bug from the 60's going God knows where. I now live in Oklahoma as a cow puncher. That shit hurts your hands.