I could drink no more but the man kept buying.

I could drink no more but the man kept buying. Damn he was handsome. What could I do? Say no? If only I could say no. It seemed a curse of mine to always say yes. He took me by the

scruff of my neck and dunked my face into a bucket of Margaritas. I drank, but I didn't want to. How do I get into these situations. Free drinks, aggressive men

strual cramps, and fake Brian Wilson beards - I amaze myself sometimes. But my parrot, who formerly belonged to Dr. Phil, would echo lectures on why I should take computer classes

down at the local YMCA where there's a fantastic cracker buffet on First Fridays. Buoyed by my second-hand parrot's regurgitated advice, I summoned the fortitude to

devour all the crackers in the buffet until I was fit to burst with salty badness. I waddled through the YMCA hallways looking for a place to throw up,

& ended up floating face down in the pool when they found me. I'd ballooned out from all the salt & water looking like the Pillsbury doughboy. I was poppin' fresh & became posterbo

When Id heard the scuba diving trip was brutal,they weren't kidding!As I felt all consciousness fade away,I noticed something sparkling in the water.Id investigate,if I weren't dyi

ng. Death came to me so quick I haven't even noticed it. First dead man I found was Tupac. He was mad with this guy who made a hologram of him chase Michael Jackson's hologram.

But fancy light shows aside, Death wasn't so bad.They had a 24 hour laundromat and 50 cent coffee at the Waffle House (1 on every corner), so I felt right at home.