"Awesome dude! We found your toe! You'll

"Awesome dude! We found your toe! You'll be famous. We'll put the vid on youtube & send your toe to Dawson City." "I want my toe back." "No way, Finder's keepers. You can drink it!

""Fine then, I'm callin' the cops.""I suggest you call a toe truck instead." He almost smiled at that. I was getting somewhere. "Dude," I said, "If we put your toe on YouTube, you

might get some unwanted attention from foot aficionados. But it's solely your choice," I added. He said, "OK then maybe I'll just call my podiatrist. I guess I can foot the bill."

Chrsit, he punted on the issue. What would he do if the shoe was on the other foot? I wasn't sorry at all, i would dance on my Podiatrist's grave. He was a real heel.

e wearing as thin as my Det. Manatee jumper. Mary Magdalene must've been a plant. I knew from how she sprouted seemingly from nowhere. Jesus had to be warned, but he was surfing

the channels desperately looking for a reason not to be scared silly about returning to Earth to save its people. News? Forget it! Talent programs? Ew! Murder Mysteries? Bleah!

Then it appeared: an episode of BattleBots. Something about the crunching steel of robot bloodsport created paradoxical a sense of deep humanity. A humanity ...worth saving.

I bolted over to the cabinet where I kept a life preserver for every human on the planet. With an esprit de corps that can only be described as laissez-faire, i began tossing them

to every human on the planet. By the time I’d tossed out 14 life preservers, the cabinet was empty. I must have miscalculated the size of humanity somehow.