HI, BILLY MAYS HERE WITH OXI-CLEAN, THE STAIN

ONE SINGLE OUNCE OF COMMON SENSE AND/OR SELF RESPECT YOU'LL TURN OFF YOUR TV RIGHT NOW!!! STILL THERE?? GRRREAT!!! WHIP OUT THOSE CREDIT CARDS AND GET READY TO

THE SINGLE MOST INCREDIBLE PRODUCT LAUNCH YOU'VE EVER WITNESSED!bUY NOW,THE SUPER 3D LED TOILET PAPER ROLL,BY THE MAKERS OF URANUS SOAP.THIS WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE!AND GET FOR FREE

THIS TOILET BOWL SENSOR FOR MEASURING FLOW VELOCITY, ACIDITY, AND BACTERIAL DENSITY IF YOU ACT NOW. OPERATORS STANDING BY. I couldn't care less about the LED toilet paper, bbbut

the pitchman's voice was so sexy that I just had to meet him. I walked to ASOTV's headquarters and rang the doorbell, roses and chocolates in hand. "Anyone there? Toilet Bowl Guy?"

the voice squeaked horribly from the loudspeaker. "Uh, no, it's me. The talking caribou. May I come in?" Tokens of good intent in hand, the apartment door buzzed open, and I

let the talking caribou into my uptown loft. "Rumplemintz?" I knew the talking caribou loved schnapps, I wanted to get him nice and saucy to invite him out to the balcony where

I intended to show him the big city in all its nighttime splendor. As I led him out the screen door to the balcony, he was still chewing pensively on the snack I made. Nervously,

I pushed him ever so lightly over the railing. "You used to see the stars out here." I said as I tried to peel his fingers off one by one. He dropped to the balcony below. (Shoot.)

Whoa! &he climbs really fast, too,so I'm runningthrough the apt trying 2 get away from this maniac, & I'm not really sure where it went wrong. Oh yeah,I only live on the 2nd floor.