HI, BILLY MAYS HERE WITH OXI-CLEAN, THE STAIN

HI, BILLY MAYS HERE WITH OXI-CLEAN, THE STAIN SPECIALIST!!!! POWERED BY THE AIR YOU BREATHE, ACTIVATED BY THE WATER THAT YOU AND I DRINK!!!!! IF YOU USE

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the pitchman's voice was so sexy that I just had to meet him. I walked to ASOTV's headquarters and rang the doorbell, roses and chocolates in hand. "Anyone there? Toilet Bowl Guy?"

the voice squeaked horribly from the loudspeaker. "Uh, no, it's me. The talking caribou. May I come in?" Tokens of good intent in hand, the apartment door buzzed open, and I

let the talking caribou into my uptown loft. "Rumplemintz?" I knew the talking caribou loved schnapps, I wanted to get him nice and saucy to invite him out to the balcony where

I intended to show him the big city in all its nighttime splendor. As I led him out the screen door to the balcony, he was still chewing pensively on the snack I made. Nervously,

I pushed him ever so lightly over the railing. "You used to see the stars out here." I said as I tried to peel his fingers off one by one. He dropped to the balcony below. (Shoot.)