Thirty years later and it still burns my

  • Thirty years later and it still burns my butt that I didn't get the part of the Artful Dodger in that production of Oliver. Story of my life. Just a generic street urchin who

  • lived on Main Street in a house with a white picket fence. My day job was "worker" at the ACME company. Let's see, I am 5' 8", male, brown hair, no facial hair, middle aged.

  • Ordinary in every way, which was the impression I wanted to project so that no one would suspect my true identity. I was in the witness protection program because last year, I

  • was the very willing acquaintance of Captain Nemo, scourge of the seas, hermit of the depths -- and I liked it! While Nemo grumbled in his subtellarium, I lived a double life,

  • as a flamboyant hermaphrodite which explained my circular appearance. Capt Nemo grabbed me around my approximate middle and squeezed. Out popped a rush of polyps from various sphin

  • cters. Ah, that felt much better. I swirled around to thank Capt. Nemo, but he was gone. Mysterious fellow. I maneuvered my rotund body to the next intersextion & waved frantically

  • A flyer about how the art of folding stories that are three years old is something the dolcile and uninformed populace is sadly unaware of. They care more about the Kardashians or

  • the possible parole of another breakfast beverage which, according so some homophobic beauty queen, was not just for breakfast anymore. You could carry it with you while running th

  • -e other way when you felt your values were threatened, plus it had Vitamin C out the yingyang and came in new kumquat flavor. So don't skip breakfast when you can get all the

  • nutrients of the day in one delectable sitting. Oh! It also has ylang ylang out the ying yang! Just remember the jingle, "Eat this, or swim with the fish."



  1. Flopp Oct 17 2017 @ 13:15

    Kumquats need more appreciation

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