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Big Bertha was a model rocket with D engines

  • Big Bertha was a model rocket with D engines & a payload in the nose cone big enough for a mouse. I launched a grasshopper which survived the trip. 20 years later I'm going to Mars

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  • Mars Port without Hilda to show off my 'Big Bertha' rocket to the Martians. I really couldn't wait to go. If only I could fast forward the next 20 years.

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  • I was startled awake by Hilda sprinkling me with a garden hose -- on Mars! Privately, Hilda filled me in about the miasma of the past 20 years, but somehow my Big Bertha rocket had

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  • not only survived those miasmic years, but was still worth marketing. There was some bad news though, my Big Bertha rocket was still on Earth while Hilda and I were on Mars.

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  • Mars, my wildest dream and my darkest prison. Hilda loved it here, though everywhere I looked I saw red. It didn't help that without a rocket, we were obligated to keep our condo

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  • and suffer the precipitous depreciation. The ad had read "A condo on Mars, at discount prices!" What fools we were. Our savings dissolved by the down-payment, and with no rocket

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  • ship to spare we would have to walk on air. So we gathered our luggage and made our way to the stars, stepping over clouds, into space, and onwards to the red planet.

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  • We met Matt Damon on the way. He was just leaving the red planet for another mission, this time to find a livable planet in a distant galaxy. "Cool! Just stay away from

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  • the toilet for a few minutes" we warned him. "Fuck You Mars!" said Matt. It seemed that some residual anger lingered in his system. We left him in his lonely space pod & continued

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  • on, only to realize we'd come fill circle and were back at the start. Sigh. Well, no one said tunneling into the subconscious of a folding story contributor was easy. Except Matt.

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