Little Joey Parker closed his eyes and wished.

Little Joey Parker closed his eyes and wished. Hard. He put pen to paper and wrote two words. "Maybe Santa can bring me Spam Baby THIS year" He would never stop

give her the silent treatment for weeks on end, not realizing that *he* was the beautiful talking doll of Emma's dream. What a miserable fool he had been. Eventually Emma

lost interest in him & became infatuated with the pullstring raggedy Anne who repeated the same trite phrases. He wished he could tell Emma she made his head spin, but his battery

of plutonium tipped sea to air missiles had accidentally fired off from a pocket-dial from his smartphone. Thus, Emma was a scorch mark on the pavement at the

Piggly Wiggly parking lot in east Des Moines. Most customers put the crater down to faulty planning by the Iowa Porcine Shopper's Infrastructure Dept. But Walter knew better. He kn

ew that this crater was the devil's doing. Why else would one suddenly show up in Des Moines of all places? Walter tried to take his story to the local news but they weren't having

anything to do with it given the fund raising car wash at the group home. 12 feet long and 9 teeth... no, it wasn't an old snake. It was the front row of a Willy Nelson concert.

And OMG, wasn't that old Aunt Valetta taking her polyester T-shirt off right in front of Willie Nelson?!! And she wasn't wearin' a bra neither! The old coots from the group home

turned their oxygen up to 11 and banged their bed pans together as Aunt Valetta spun round and round, her pendulous mammaries swinging in a wide arc over Willy's astonished head.