Run and hide. The Turkey Vulture will find

Run and hide. The Turkey Vulture will find you. Do you think you are safe behind closed doors? In the walls of your home? With the authorities? No. The Turkey Vulture will find you

But this is not the tale of any Turkey Vulture. I though locking the doors and hidding under the covers, but those were simply the weapons he choose to torture me.

The Turkey Vulture was like an Ape on a bender. Savage. Mean. And just smart enough to make escape really difficult. Luckily I had the pen knife. I saw the shadow on the wall

worried about parachuting out of a plane before, now I was terrified of being pecked to death and carried away by a ginormous predatory bird. The vulture stared menacingly

at me as it swooped down. I cannonballed out of the plane, and tumbled down the sky. I pulled the release cable, only for it to snap in two. Oops. I guess it was time to die.

Unfortunately for me, I didn't die, and instead I crashed into the top of a tent canopy. That tent was covering a very formal wedding, for some European noble and

her tacky American gold-digging fiancee. The duchess' daughter's family paid me big bucks for breaking up that wedding and offered me her hand and a chance at dukedom. Since I had

nothing better to do I took the offer. But as I was a female. I felt perhaps I was being used to win favor from the public and populist media. I liked the duchess' daughter's thoug

gtful placement of doilies all about the office. I cringed when she refused to own her femininity, no matter how old fashioned. Sisters, how far had we really come?